Green Light, Yellow Light, Red Light

Oh, the infamous stop light colors.  Used for indicating what to do when approaching a road intersection or as a performance measurement in the business world.  You stop when you see red - refocus/adjust, slow down when you see yellow, and simply move along on green.

A great book my wife and I recently read, called The Five Keys to Mindful Communication, aligns the stoplight concept with everyday communication.  In the first chapter, the author writes 'you go when the light is green, proceed with caution when the light is yellow, and stop when the light is red'.  When one is balanced (rested, nourished, focused) they are in a good state for communication, their green light is on.  When off a bit (tired, hungry, irritable) they are in a 'cautious' state for communication, their yellow light is on. When things are really bad (exhausted, famished, angry) they are not in any state to communicate at all. Warning!  The red light is switched on!  My wife and I have started to use these symbols in our communication...most commonly when the meter ticks up to yellow/red.  It can be a helpful warning that reminds us to wait and finish the conversation when the light is back to green. There have been times when we accidentally run through the red light, allowing anger to escalate and take over. 

In a recent conversation with colleagues, one of them asked me, "Have we ever seen your red light?"  I thought and answered..."No...you have probably only seen a few yellow lights (with a few reds internalized)."  It was an interesting realization to me that in the workplace I often have a steady, consistent green light, yet my yellow and red can be switched on quite quickly at home or sometimes with close friends/family. Why is that?  I know I like to have harmony and keep the peace, but why should my loved ones have to experience my yellow/red lights?  Maybe because they are the ones that can help set me straight in those situations! This is a good realization that bottling stress at work, only to have it come out at home, is never a good solution.

Bringing this awareness to communication and knowing when to 'proceed' with caution or simply take a break has helped at home and at work. Sometimes situations cause a yellow/red light and that is normal. Perhaps it is someone else's yellow light that they are bringing from another situation and you happen to be there to experience it.  It's probably not even be about you.  Either way, it takes time to cool back down to green. 

It's important to note that there are many other communication concepts discussed in the book that help with realizations in and outside of the office.  Its amazing to me how much communication  can make or break situations.  Leading to anger.  Lost jobs.  Divorce.  It is often the root cause or at least a major contributing factor to life issues.  It takes practice to control communication and interpret it, every day.

Recently Lori and I visited Vietnam and Cambodia.  These are two places we have wanted to see for a while.  Vietnam was a crazy busy place (yet moved at a relaxed, unique rhythm of its own) while Cambodia felt a bit more rustic and had a beautiful history and landscape.  Lori and I used our green/yellow/red signals a bit throughout the trip, as travel is stressful and a range of emotions can take place at any moment.  The funny thing about Vietnam is we used this metaphorical system of stoplights more than the literal stoplights themselves.  Cars and motorbikes don't always pay much attention to the stoplights.  I'm blessed to have a partner that has pushed me to see more of the world, experience life to the fullest and improve my communication skills along the way.  I'm sure we will be using our green/yellow/red lights for years to come, but I see more and more green in our future as we learn more about ourselves and each other.  I highly recommend you read this book.  It made a positive change on my life in many ways.

Red might not mean stop in Hanoi, Vietnam...

Halong Bay, Vietnam - very, very green

Siem Riep, Cambodia - wise yellow Buddha

 Koh Rong Samloem, Cambodia - no stop lights here